Adult ADHD in Monroe County: Why You Weren’t Diagnosed Until Adulthood
Yes, it sucks that we didn’t find out about our beautiful, complex, wild-puppy, ADHD brains until our 40’s. What the frick is up with that?! I find that, as in many different areas of life, asking “why” doesn’t do anything productive, but mostly just leaves us frustrated and feeling badly about ourselves. So let’s just drop the “why.” More importantly, what’s next? You likely want to learn how to function better with the brain you have. I think the part that bothers me most regarding the way ADHD is talked about, is that it is often looked at as a disability. As a fellow ADHDer, I’m not going to deny that my brain does not sometimes challenge me, which is why I refer to it sometimes as a wild puppy: OoOoh! A squirrel! However, there are lots of positive things connected to ADHD, like our amazing creativity, and our ability to focus on multiple things at once, and our hyper focus, and our general zest for life. However, we still have to know how to use this brain. It’s kind of like we’re given this amazing sports car with no owner’s manual. Yes, challenging.
So let’s talk today about a few ideas of how you can start to get a better understanding of how to work better with your brain. First, DO SOME RESEARCH! Full disclosure: I was actually never diagnosed with ADHD. I was seeing a therapist a while back who I was actually seeing for help with ADHD symptoms. One time I asked her, “So, do you think I have ADHD?” She said, “Oh, yeah.” So that’s my unofficial diagnosis. However, when I first started to accept that maybe my brain was different than other people’s brains, one of the first things I did – again, the beauty of hyperfixation – is I started to do some research. Learn about your brain. Look at different communities where they talk about ADHD brains online. Yes, it is best to make sure you get info from legitimate sites (I will put some below). But learn about it. Read some books, watch some YouTube videos. The most validating thing is to read or watch or hear something that basically says to you, “No, you’re not some freak or broken person or lazy or stupid. You actually have an amazing brain that you just have to learn how to navigate.” I felt so validated hearing there were other people – that I had a tribe of ADHDers – that existed and it wasn’t just me in my 40s being lazy and not wanting to wash the dishes or the clothes.
Second, find a couple of strategies that can help you on a regular basis. For example, although I didn’t have a whole productivity system in place, I started with my calendar. I use Google calendar, not a plug. I use it because my husband convinced me to when he saw how frustrated I was getting with paper. I do still like my paper, but on my calendar, I’m all digital. For multiple reasons: 1 – Someone can invite you to some kind of event, like a doctors appointment, a meeting. And their invite automatically appears on your calendar! WHaT?! You don’t even have to do it yourself (psst: I recommend you put it in there if there is no invite coming)! 2 – If I don’t get something done today or the event has to be changed, I don’t have to make a mess of my planner, and cross it off, and make a hole from aggressive erasing, and cause it to look hideous. Which is very upsetting. I simply move it to a different day, leaving my calendar looking so nice and neat. And three – speaking of appearance – it’s so pretty. I get to color code things. I get to make my personal life pink, and my work life blue, and my church life purple. And then when I look at my calendar, I know kind of what’s coming. So choose 1, 2 or 3 things that are simple and you can repeat consistently.
Finally, seek out some professional help. You don’t have to commit to a year long program. You don’t have to learn skills to prepare for when you get there. You can just show up and talk to a therapist about your struggles and insecurities and while you’re there, learn some skills and have some accountability, help, and support in implementing and carrying those out.
As a mental health therapist, I specialize in supporting clients with ADHD. I love this work. Again, I have experienced these frustrations and it is so rewarding and therapeutic for me to help other people up and out of the hole that we sometimes find ourselves in when we allow the lies of anxiety and depression to beat us up due to our neurodivergent brain. You don’t need to work with me; you want to find the right therapist for you. When you meet a counselor, you want to find someone you feel safe with, you feel gets you, and you would feel comfortable talking about all your stuff with. I would love to be a part of your journey, but either way…my best to you!
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Clinician Bio
As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, National Certified Counselor, and owner of Beyond Sessions Mental Health Counseling Services PLLC, I help adults at any stage in life learn how to harness the power of their beautiful ADHD brains. Specializing in Adulting, ADHD, Binge Eating, Self-Esteem/Assertiveness, Tech/Phone Addiction, and Christian Counseling, I partner with adults of all age who feel overwhelmed and are looking for freedom and empowerment. Whether we meet in person at my Spencerport, NY office or connect online throughout New York State, my goal is to help you gain control of what is yours to steward, to equip you with practical coping skills, and to witness you finally step into your genuine self.